Alrighty then.  We left off with Pervy Old Guy being all angry and territorial over the Russian brides.  He really, really wants those negatives, but Norman very sexily refuses to give them to him.



"Heh heh heh, give me those photographs you frustratingly sexy man you.  Heh heh heh."
"No.  No, I don't think I will.  You're a dirty old man.  Good day to you, sir."



*looks at pic of Helena and slips it into his pocket* "I'm kind of a dirty old man myself, heh heh.  Don't take the Russians' pictures."




Norman gives him The Eyebrow.  And he's probably thinking, "Is there no old man on this ship who isn't dirty?"



Then he decides to be a sweetheart and give Nikki an English to Greek dictionary.  Awwwwwwwww.  But then he kind of ruins the awwwwwwww effect:




"Heh heh heh.  I want to be on you.  Try not to let the glare from my wedding band blind you.  At least when I'm being pervy I still manage to be damn sexy."




"I'm adorable and Irish.  Do me.  Do me now.  I mean... er... I wish I could show you some of the places that I've been."

So he gives her this:




 "!!!  A noseless statue!  How romantic." *dreamy sigh*



"Laalalalalalaaaa... I'm going to sing randomly throughout the movie and play this crazy looking guitar thing.  Lalalalalala."



"Heh heh heh.  I have virgins.  Virgins!  Blah blah really dirty and offensive things about women blah blah all women are whores blah blah big boobs blah blah VIRGINS!  Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa."



...Uh oh.  Dirty Old Man is not going to be happy about this.



"Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahahaha.  VIRRRRRRRRGIIIIIIIIINS!!!"



Oh, thank god, my beautiful Damian is back. *drool*



"Work it for the camera, baby.  Oh yeah.  I'm in love with your hands.  I could write a sonnet about those hands to rival Shakespeare.  I could.  Really."



"Now let's be ridiculously adorable and have witty banter and you can make me blush." *blush*



"Oh, he is so cute when he blushes. *giggle*  Let me feel up my earring of love again and have naughty fantasies about him in a Captain's jacket."



STERNUM BUSH!!!!!!!!  Isn't that shirt just begging to be ripped open?  ISN'T IT?  I think it is.



OMG!!!  Are they going to kiss?  They're going to kiss, right?



Oooooooooh. :(



Should I whip out the "I'm Too Sexy" song again?  No.  I already used it too much in the first picspam.  But I've probably gotten the song stuck in your head anyway just by saying the title. ............................


Sorry.  I just couldn't help myself.



OMG OMG OMG!  HE'S DRINKING TEA!!!!  I don't know if any of you remember my Forsyte Saga picspams, but I seem to have a "Damian drinking from a teacup" fetish.



Maybe it's because there's so much focus on the intensity in his eyes.  You can really see the anger simmering in Soames' eyes, while Norman is completely turned on at the prospect of being in the room alone with Nikki.



See, it's just not as hot without the cup.  It's still plenty hot, and he still turns my knees into jelly, but... the teacup one does things to me that nothing else can. *fans self*



Okay, now this is the bit where he says "nostalgic" only... he keeps saying it like, "Nastolgic" and it kept making me giggle.  I don't know why, but it did.  His whole delivery of the nostalgic/melancholy story reminded me of one of those old film noirs.  Just that bit though.  It was adorable.  Also, I love this pic because it looks like he's just had a tumble in the hay.  Especially with that lidded look, and the way his mouth is parted... oh yes. *goes to have a lie down*



And this is the bit where out of nowhere he goes, "Nikki my darling, I thought about you all last night."



"Bwhaaaa?"




"Ehm... erm... I mean, that's how a love letter starts.  You've never gotten one, have you?  Have you?  You've never gotten one, right?"



"NO, okay?  Now stop rubbing it in.  Can't you see that I'm crying?  Gawd."



"Heh heh heh.  Listen to my sinister footsteps.  Heh heh heh."



NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  HELENA, THAT IS THE HAND OF THE DEVIL!  DON'T TAKE IT!  NOOOOOOOOOO!
"Heh heh heh."



"That Dirty Old Man is up to no good.  I can smell his perviness from here."



So, Dirty Old Man sold poor Helena to this guy.  Well, he whored her out for a night.  Blech.

Later, Dirty Old Man makes a disparaging remark to Nikki about her spending all her time in first class, and she says, "Suit yourself."



"WHAT?  Grrr, how dare you talk to me like that!  I'm steaming angry about you telling me to suit myself!  What a horrific thing to say!  Grrr!!!  I will bite you."



"I'm not Helena.  I am not scared of you.  You are a very, very bad man.  I'm good with the insults, yes?"



"GRRRR how dare you call me a bad man!  GRRR!  I WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!"



Nikki crushes his fingers, woohoo!



"OUCH!  THAT REALLY REALLY HURT!  You... you you you... BITCH!"

GASP!  He did not just call her a bitch, did he?  OMG!  Nikki's right.  He's a very bad man.  Nikki gets the hell out of there and starts running to her room, but then out of nowhere:



POOF!  He really is the devil.  That's the only explanation.  I refuse to believe that he had the time to put on his jacket and take another route and just stand there in the hall for who knows how long to wait for her, when she had only been in the hall for about 2 seconds.  Anyway, he threatens her with, "Grrrr, I'm going to find out your secret.  I know you have one.  Grrrr!" and then he's interrupted by Fortune Telling Lady and he goes back to his "Heh heh heh" persona.



Ooo, Norman is just frothing with anger.  FROTHING!



"GRRRR, DON'T MESS WITH MY WOMAN!  I'M GOING TO MESS YOU UP GOOD!  LISTEN TO HOW THREATENING MY WORDS ARE!  GRR!"



"Heh heh heh."





"You're a... SNAKE IN THE GRASS!  And a... a... BASTARD!"



"Heh heh heh.  I thank you for your kind words.  But never ever tell me to suit myself, because I WILL MURDER SOMEONE!  Blah blah more offensive crap about women blah blah I'm the devil."

"You're a son of a BITCH!  That's right, I, Norman Harris, just said bitch."

"Yeah yeah.  Guess what, you're just like me.  You like to screw, right?" (he used the f-bomb, but oh well)



No comment from Norman.  Hmm...

Norman retaliates by photographing all the Russians, and he plays matchmaker with the prized virgin and the Captain's godson.




"Oh yeah.  This'll piss of Dirty Old Man."



It pissed off the Captain even more.

And then...



Dun dun dun... five of the Russian brides have the same groom.



"Oh, I will strangle that snake in the grass."



"Well, first I'll help Nikki calm the mass hysteria in the the third class and we'll look all husband-and-wife-ish, then I'll go strangle him."



"Grrrrr."



"Oh, my dear Norman.  It was all a mix-up, okay?  How could you even suggest that I'm a pimp?  Although... I hear in Romania that it happens all the time.  Heh heh heh."



"Oh, that's it!  I'm going to punch you in the sissiest way possible!" *punch punch punch*  "Fix it or you'll never see New York!  Grrrrrr."



"Oh Norman.  You are my hero."




"I can smell the rain."



"Wow.  That was some really great foreshadowing.  And metaphor.  Well done."